A friend of mine recently asked me to participate in their podcast… If you feel like watching 2+ hours of me discussing my thoughts about life, here’s the link:
I think the world could heal if we had better sex. Sacred sex. Spiritual sex.
I’m not advocating for monogamy, or for heterosexual sex, or whatever, so please don’t read that first line and assume that I’m telling people to wait until marriage or keep things between a man and a woman or something, because that’s not at all what I’m saying. Have sex with as many people as you want (at once if you all want to!) and as often as it pleases you, I’m not judging–some of my most sacred, spiritual sex has been between me and two other people (HI MOM, YOU MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THIS ARTICLE). Continue reading
Trigger warning: Sexual Assault discussed from all angles. Continue reading
I had a conversation with one of my housemates the other day about whether polyamory is a sexual orientation or a relationship preference. It’s a debate that’s much bigger than the conversation that we had (researchers have been writing articles about it for years), but in essence, I think that when I look back on my life, I’ve always had feelings for multiple people at once, and I have always been interested in the people I cared about being happy, even if they weren’t going to be happy with me, so I’m inclined to think of it as more of a sexual orientation than just a preference. I’ve talked about this in previous posts, but it bears coming back to, because you can never talk about love too much.
I always fall back to the basic idea that love helps me grow. Continue reading
I’m going to hijack my “normal” posts these days for a second, and talk about travel for a moment, as I recently finished something I haven’t done in years and visited a country I’ve never been to before– South Korea!
My first impression of Seoul was on a bus from the airport to the city, and I was honestly a bit unimpressed– from a distance, it looks like the Seoul government just gave developers huge blocks of land and Lego pieces– there are easily 5-10 of the same skyscraper buildings in rows along the water, in block patterns with very little in the way of pleasing aesthetics. HOWEVER, as soon as you get into the city, you realize how verdant and livable it actually is– there are gorgeous old trees and landscaping on every major road, and heaps of public art on the corner of every skyscraper (apparently it’s a law that if you make a building higher than a certain number of floors, you have to incorporate a public art piece into the development plan, so there are statues and fountains and little public parks EVERYWHERE).
As a tourist, my first inclination is to look for the old traditions and culture of places I explore– my parents love visiting temples and churches and museums, and I have to admit that I do too. However, I found that my favorite parts of Seoul weren’t the old temples and shrines and palaces (though they are absolutely awe-inspiring and gorgeous), but rather the every-day Seoul that people interact with on a daily basis. Continue reading
I’ve been stewing, but also silencing myself a lot over the past few months. I severed pretty much all ties to social media (I deactivated my Facebook in January), in part because I felt that my being on it wasn’t helping anything. Any time I’ve felt like I had something to say, it also felt like someone else could say it better and would make it more eloquent. I guess you could say that I really sunk into the name of my blog, and realized just how much I don’t know, and that’s made it hard to write, because I’m pretending that something makes sense to me enough that it’s worth committing to type. However, I find it useful sometimes to keep writing, even if it doesn’t make a difference, even if it doesn’t change anything, even if no one reads it, just because it documents how I’m thinking right now, and then I can see how I change over the years. So here are some of the things I’ve been thinking about, and feel free to watch me try to spin a coherent story out of the muddled mess of my mind.
I’m searching for the story that will set us free, that will cause people to leave the caged system we’re trapped in now for actual freedom– where everyone’s worth isn’t tied up to their bank account, where people take care of each other and share because the whole is better off when people work together. I guess I’m a socialist, but I’m more a democratic tribalist? I think systems break down when there are too many people living in the same way. Nature promotes diversity, not monoculture. I think a major problem with the world right now is that there’s a story that success is measured by what people own. I think success needs to be reimagined as community bonds– have you participated in the world around you, have you loved thoroughly, have you brought joy into peoples’ lives, do you have people who will gladly care for you? I love Ralph Waldo Emerson’s poem about success:
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.
…I don’t think there are many governments that I can think of that encourage this type of success. GDP is the measure of success for a country, even though things like war and toxic waste cleanup stimulates production while endangering peoples’ lives.
A little-paid-attention-to fact about the beginning of the USA… The founding fathers wrote and imagined a different type of government than any of them had experienced or seen before, and it was more than two years after the revolutionary war ended that they came up with the constitution… Which means, for a few years, the founding fathers tried other types of governing that didn’t work as well as they wanted them to, and they wrote the constitution to address the problems that they wanted to solve. Just because they found something that worked for a while doesn’t mean that they developed a flawless system. It worked if you were part of a specific group of people– I acknowledge that many groups were marginalized, discriminated against, or actively persecuted as a result of the development of the creation of the USA government, like First Nations’ peoples, African-Americans, basically anyone not white-cis-het-anglo-saxon-protestant-male. It doesn’t surprise me that the system of government that was created by a bunch of white guys ended up privileging a bunch of white guys– if it’s hard for people to not otherise people now, in an age of blogs and social media and skype, where people can immediately share their personalized experience of what the world is like, imagine what it was like back then, when communication took weeks and most people were illiterate. My point being that it was hard for these few men to come up with a system that would benefit people that weren’t like them because they may not have understood why such a thing would be desirable (and when you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression). I know I’m not the only one searching for a different solution, and I get regularly frustrated by my inability to come up with something different. Not feeling smart enough to sort something out is an unusual feeling for me, but this problem has me utterly stumped. We clearly need a system that addresses the inequality that has stratified the gap between wealthy and poor, but how do we go about making it happen, and what should it look like? Continue reading
Every so often people (usually other white people) ask me “why do you care so much?” What they mean is that they’re confused that I’m a Privileged White American Female, so why should I care about Black Men, or Muslims, or Immigrants, or Transgendered People, or Drug Addicts, or The Poor, or Prisoners, or any of the myriad other groups that don’t necessarily describe me but I still care about supporting. Intersectionality doesn’t make sense to a lot of people, but I see it this way: people are connected, and you can’t fight for one group without acknowledging that there are hundreds of different ways that people struggle, and that the people in your group have the lived experience of being in many others as well. I believe that what hurts one group hurts us all– Gay rights, Women’s rights, Civil rights, etc., these are not struggles that are limited to the people who are most affected by their lack of support in society. Every conflict is people trying to assert their right to exist, to be supported, to be loved, and the frustration that comes when other people see it differently and deny them that validation and acceptance.
Personally, I believe that none of us are free unless we are all free. There is no other, there is only ourself in different skin. If you hate any other, you hate yourself. Love your self and love the other, for they are you. This is the golden rule in a nutshell: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat them with compassion because you would like to be treated so. Love them unconditionally because you would like to be treated so. Give them your best, because you would like to be treated so. Encourage them to be free, because you would like to be treated so. Continue reading